Beyonce’s so fancy, she brings her own brand of champagne to the Golden Globes.
AND you are as worthy as Beyonce – no more, no less. There’s nothing you can do that will either increase or decrease your worthiness.
Kent Hoffman, PhD, renowned therapist, developmental researcher, author and professor at Gonzaga (he teaches a class called the Psychology of Intimacy. How incredible does that class sound??) says, “Every person we will ever meet has infinite worth. No person is worth more than any other person. Truth be told, I would now define evil as the belief that some people are worth more than others.” (Check out his moving 3-minute video here.)
With the onslaught of shame-based marketing coming your way with the new year, I want to remind you that you are enough as you are. (Or as Mister Rogers liked to say, “I like you just the way you are.”)
I’ve noticed that some of my clients struggle with caring for themselves because they don’t feel worthy of the time and effort involved. (Caring for others? Easy. But that’s another topic for another time.) Some folks think, “Once I lose weight, then I’ll feel worthy of self-care.” (It’s understandable if you have the same thought. It’s not your fault. It didn’t come from you. The lie that some bodies are more worthy than others is a toxic belief from our insidious diet culture.)
And here’s the problem with buying into this unhelpful thought: we can’t shame ourselves into loving ourselves.
But…you’re not feeling the body love yet. So now what?
I’ve been sharing an analogy I learned from Deb Burgard, PhD, one of the founders of the Health At Every Size movement (paraphrased):
Imagine you bring home a puppy from the humane shelter. How do you decide it’s worthy of love and care? You just know that it is. It doesn’t have to do anything to earn it. You give it regular food, fresh air, movement, affection, etc. You feel it’s your duty to imperfectly care for it, even if you don’t always feel like picking up poop. And you know what? The process of caring for it, day in and day out, is what makes you fall deeper in love with it.
Rather than waiting for one day in the future, when self-care feels organic, start with the process before you feel entitled to it. Consider what you would deem “basic needs” for someone you love and start there if you need ideas (hint: include regular satisfying meals and snacks). Your body – your home – is worthy of care just as it is.
Author Elizabeth Gilbert recently shared on her Facebook page:
“Consider the possibility that God, or nature, or the universe (whatever term you are comfortable with) gave you stewardship over one soul, one being, that is unquestionably yours to take care of: YOUR OWN. You were entrusted with this one body, this one heart, this one mind, this one life stream—because something in the universe thought you could take good care of it. Other beings will come and go throughout your life, and you might long to take care of them, too. But THIS ONE (you, yourself) is the constant. THIS ONE (you, yourself) is the strange, precious phenomenon that you have unquestionably been bequeathed….
Take care of you. Include yourself in all the love. Fold yourself into Universal Human Compassion, and it will actually become Universal at last.”
With or without the fancy champagne.